Killer cats escaping goats and a big damn cover-up
by Maiva
Summary: The title pretty much says it all


Disclamer: I don't own Mulder, Scully or any of the characters mentioned in this story from the X-files they're CC's, FOX's and 1013's, don't sue.   
The chatacter of Aeris is partly inspired by Aeris from Final Fantasy VII   
Spoilers: hmm, let's make a competition: the one who finds most spoilers in this story wins, OK? Nothing that'd spoil the episodes, though   
Archive: You want it, you got it, just ask first and keep my name, email and notes on it.   
Thanks to: Autumn for beta-reading   
Author's note: This is a thing I came up with when I was thinking about what the ultimate X-files ep would be like and this is how it ended up:)   
Note 2: I only know one line in spanish, that line is used in this story:)  
OK, here it is:  
  
  
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Killer-Cats, Escaping Goats, And A Big, Damn Cover-Up by Kaisie   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
"Mulder, where exactly, are we going?" Scully asked her partner, who was driving the blue ford taurus they were sitting in.   
  
  
"To investigate several bloody murders in a little town in New Jersey", he answered.   
  
  
"Why does it seem like weird things always happen in New Jersey", Scully mumbled. Then she decided to read the case file,   
because if they were going to New Jersey by car, again, it would take quite some time.   
  
  
---   
  
  
Mulder and Scully were going through the evidence with the local deputy, named William-something.   
  
"Is there any connections between the victims?" Scully asked the deputy.   
  
"They all seem to be males, forty to sixtyfive. But we have not been able to identify any of them."   
  
"Do you think they're aliens?" Mulder asked.   
  
"Don't listen to him", Scully said quickly. "Have you examined the bodies yet?"   
  
"Our pathologist is doing it right now."   
  
"Can we go down there and take a look for ourselves?"   
  
"Sure."   
  
So they went down to pathologist, a short blonde   
girl with glases.   
  
"This is agents Mulder and Scully with the FBI", William-something said her. "Have you found anything?"   
  
"Well, I've found something really weird. It looks like they have bite marks all over them."   
  
"From aliens?" Mulder wanted to know.   
  
"Eh", the girl said looking strangely guilty. "I don't think so, it looks like they're from a goat."   
  
"FROM A GOAT!" Mulder, Scully and William-something said at the same time.   
  
"Yeah... from a goat..."   
  
Then Scully wanted to take a look at it too, and she found the same thing, that they were made by a goat.   
Or maybe by a sheep, but since her roots are in Ireland she felt very close to the sheep and didn't   
want to say that a sheep might have done it.   
  
So Mulder and Scully went to question some witnesses, to hear if they'd seen any goats at the crime sceen.   
  
---   
  
Their first, and only, witness was a woman in her early twenties with a odd hairdo, named Aeris.  
  
"Did you happen to see any goats..." Scully began.   
  
"Or aliens..." Mulder continued.   
  
"At the crime sceen?" Scully finished.   
  
"Goats? Nah", Aeris said, with a Welsh, or Scottish (it was hard to tell), accent.   
  
"Aliens?" Mulder asked hopefully.   
  
"I really don't think so. But I did see some cats."   
  
"CATS?" Mulder and Scully said at the same time.   
  
"Yes. They were so cute!"   
  
"Do you think they have something to do with the murders?" Mulder asked, and Scully looked at him strangely.   
  
"Nah, they're so cute. I love cats.", Aeris said.   
  
They didn't get anything more out of Aeris, except for more 'I love cats'. So they went to the town's   
goat farmer. The goat farmer himself wasn't there, but his wife, a hispanic woman was there.   
  
"Have you had any trouble with your goats escaping lately?" Scully asked.   
  
"Las cabras? No, no. They are here, always here."   
  
Scully was just about to ask another question when the goat farmers wife added "The sheep farmer has trouble,   
his sheep run away."   
  
"OK, thank you", Mulder said. To Scully he added: "What do you think, can the sheep be the murderers?"   
  
"NO!" Scully said, wanting to protect the sheep. "Now, let's go investigate the crime scenes."   
  
"Actually, there's only one crime scene", Mulder said.   
  
"But I thought you said there were a lot of murders?"   
  
"Yes, but they've all been found in the same house."   
  
---   
  
The house was a normal two-story suburban house, with a nice big living room, though sparsely furnished,  
nice carpets, a fireplace, a nice kitchen, and modern appliances, moving walls... OK, not moving walls,   
but you get the style.   
br br   
  
  
"Is Aeris the one who found all the bodys?" Scully asked as she looked around.   
  
"Yes, as far as we know", Mulder answered her.   
  
"Isn't she a suspect?"   
  
"What happened to the sheep?"   
  
"It was goats! GOATS! OK?" Scully said aggressively.   
  
"OK, OK!", Mulder held his hands up in front of him to protect himself.   
  
  
They didn't find anything suspicous, so they went out, and walked away, but they didn't get far before they   
heard a big explosion. Someone had blown up the house.   
  
Mulder looked at it and suddenly he realized it all.   
  
"Scully, I think I get this now! The goats were murdering the Cigarette Smoking Mans guys, and he didn't want   
us to find out, so he blew up the building with the goats in it!"   
br br   
  
"OK" Scully looked confused at him "Sure..."   
  
Then they heard the goat-farmers wife shouting:   
  
"Las cabras se escapan!"   
  
And the goats were escaping alright! So Mulder and Scully decided to follow them, they might lead the FBI-agents   
to their (the goat's not the FBI-agent's) head quarters.   
  
The goats were running fast, and if they hadn't stopped to eat plastic-bags, Mulder and Scully would have lost sight of them.   
  
The goats came to an old factory, or a silo, possibly a place where the government hid things.   
  
"C'mon Scully, let's catch those goats!" Mulder said.   
  
They kicked in the door (even though it was probably unlocked since the goats had gone in through it before,   
and goats can't lock doors). And in there waited a big surprise...   
  
Among all the goats sat... Melissa (not Melissa Riedel, Melissa Scully of course! How stupid are you?)  
  
  
"Missy?" Scully said with surprise. "I thought you were dead!"   
  
"Well, I'm not!" Melissa smiled.   
  
"But you died, didn't you?" Scully was confused (wouldn't you be if you found your dead sister, alive?)  
  
  
"No, those government guys are good at faking peoples death, and even better at thinking they've killed someone,   
but the person doesn't die."   
  
"They make mistakes?" Mulder was surprised. "I thought only I discovered their plans."   
  
"Welcome to reality", Melissa said.   
  
"So, what's with all the goats?" Scully wanted to know, looking suspicously over at the animals.   
  
"Well, they're not really goats..." Melissa started.   
  
"They're not?" Mulder and Scully said at the same time.   
  
"What are they?" Scully asked.   
  
"Aliens?" Mulder hadn't lost his hope on the aliens.   
  
"No, duh!" Melissa looked at them as if they were stupid. "They're cats, in disguise."   
  
"Cats?" Scully was totally confused now.   
  
"That would explain what Aeris saw", Mulder said.   
  
"So", Scully tried to recover from the shock. "What's with all the... cats?"   
  
"I have them kill the Cigarette smoking man, and his friends, one after an other... hehehehehe", Melissa laughed   
evily. "Nice plan, huh?"   
  
"So I was right!" Mulder said triumphantly.   
  
"No..." Scully said. "There were never any aliens."   
  
"No, but the goats are killing CSM's friends."   
  
"Yeah, in that you were right of course..."   
  
Suddenly, all the goats started sniffing the air, and they rushed out through the door, and Melissa, who didn't want   
her goats/cats to disappear, ran after them, and Scully, who didn't want to lose her sister again, ran after Melissa,   
and Mulder, who's secretly in love with his partner, ran after Scully.   
  
It turned out that the goats were chasing a couple of chickens. The chickens were chasing William-something, who was   
afraid of the chickens.   
  
They all ran around for a while, but suddenly, a big, dark shadow darkened the sky (scary, huh?). Everybody stopped   
and looked up (yes, even the goats/cats and the chickens), and there they saw a UFO, it was just lifting Aeris up in   
the sky to be abducted.   
  
If you looked really closely, you could even see that driving the UFO was the pathologist, who was really an alien.   
And she laughed evily.   
  
They all probably lost like nine minutes there, but no one really knew, because no one had looked at their watch.   
  
When Aeris was in the UFO, the patholgist obviously decided that it wasn't enough abductees, so she lifted   
William-something and the chickens up too.   
  
Then the goats/cats reacted and they didn't want the chickens to get away that easily, so they climbed up in a tree   
(all in the same tree, and there were many, even if I don't think anyone actually counted them, well, maybe Melissa did...   
I dunno, and don't ask me how they got up there, goats can't climb trees, can they?), and they started meowing after the UFO,   
that was disappearing higher and higher up.   
  
When the UFO was totally gone, Melissa tried to get her pets down, but they didn't want to, so she had to sit there all night,   
and try to get them down. When the morning came, the goat-farmers wife came and helped Melissa to get them down, but while   
Melissa was sitting there, Scully decided that it was safe to leave her. So she and Mulder went back to they're hotelrooms   
(that they had rented before they'd gone to meet with William-something).   
  
--  
  
Mulder and Scully were pretty much too hyper to sleep, Mulder because he had seen an UFO, and Scully because she had met her   
(obviously not) dead sister. So they were both sitting in Mulder's hotel-room, talking both at the same time (so no one could   
really hear what they were saying. I'm not sure that anyone even cared, because most people like to sleep at night, although   
no one that works in the X-files division does. Good for everyone else that the hotel walls were thick so they didn't have to   
hear the agents talking).   
  
After a long time they suddenly stopped, for no visible reason, and looked at each other. And then (as all the shippers had been   
waiting for since... well since the beginning of the series, and everybody else hadn't seen coming at all) they started to kiss   
each other deeply (and yes, it was longer than the Triangle kiss).   
  
"I love you Scully", Mulder said as they (finally?) broke the kiss.   
  
"I love you too, Mulder, I always have", Scully replied. And then they were all over eachother again, removing each others clothes...   
and stuff. And once again the other hotel guests could be happy that the walls were thick, because those two probably broke a couple   
of FBI regulations (but how would I know I wasn't there, lalalalalala *looking innocent*).   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
About a month later Mulder and Scully got married. A disaster that is never, ever, to be mentioned again. Because Melissa's cats   
(now actually in the shape of cats) were chasing the chickens (which had been returned from their abduction) which was chasing   
William-something, who for some reason was there although he wasn't invited.   
  
The sheep-farmers sheep had ran away again, and right into the church, followed by the sheep farmer himself, his wife, about ten   
of their kids, who were assisted by the goat-farmer-family (no, that's not a real word).   
  
At the wedding-party Melissa managed to start a food-fight, which ended up really ugly. Scully was mad at her sister for... about a   
day, because then she remembered how much she missed her sister when she had been "dead", and regretted that she had ever even thought   
one bad thing about Melissa, and then she almost started to cry.   
  
When it was all over, Mulder and Scully moved to some fancy place, not very unlike the falls of Arcadia, as far from their family as possible.   
They had one very little, one-pound, pocket-dog, one very big, forteen-pound cat (which, fortunatly, never turned into a goat or anything else),   
and four children, all named after relatives.   
  
And they lived happily ever after, except for every Christmas when Melissa and her killer-cats visited that is.   
  



End file.
